Presence over Presents

From television commercials to store displays, it feels like holiday shopping starts earlier and earlier every year. This year, let’s push back against the encroaching consumerism and choose to spend the holiday season on our terms.

What’s the matter with holiday presents?

Absolutely nothing! The warm-and-fuzzy feeling that comes with sharing a thoughtfully chosen gift with a loved one cannot be denied. Scientists have even studied how gift giving strengthens bonds and increases social connection.

However, societal expectations (and intense marketing) at this time of year can lead to guilt, stress, debt, and even environmental degradation: we feel pressured to give much more than we—or the Earth—can sustain. 

Couple this materialist pressure with the amount of stress we feel to buy and wrap everything in time for the “big day,” and it’s a perfect storm. Instead, let’s embrace the slow holiday movement, which shifts away from excessive consumption and toward intentional giving.

Nurture new traditions

• What’s more fun than dashing around a busy mall looking for the perfect gift for your bestie? Soaking up the sights and sounds of the season on a forest bathing excursion with her instead. 
• What does your mom want more than another cashmere sweater? The experience of cooking great-grandma’s cherished recipe together. 
• What would be a big help to your big sis and a fun gift for her kids? Taking your nieces or nephews out for a fancy high tea. 

These are all examples of gifts of time: gifts that nourish, not deplete. Other ideas include taking a loved one out for a candlelit dinner (or cooking it yourself!), going for a couple’s massage, giving tickets to a concert, or browsing a bookstore together. After all, time is the ultimate luxury.

Be a heartfelt giver

Of course, time spent together isn’t always possible. Thoughtful, non-material gifts go beyond the basic gift card into something more intentional. Consider giving your loved one the following:

• a contribution toward education (anything from money for an RESP to natural health education)
• the chance to explore a new hobby (such as a gift card to ballet, rock climbing, or pottery classes)
• a family outing (like passes to the aquarium, local art gallery, or escape room)

Presence for the whole family

Struggling with nothing to wrap? Some people on your gift-giving list (especially children!) enjoy the magic of unwrapping a physical gift. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to forgo your “presence over presents” philosophy. Instead, try dressing up your non-material gift: 

• Taking your kiddos on a beach vacation? Wrap some water shoes and a new bathing suit alongside a letter that explains the plan. 
• Giving your brother-in-law a guitar lesson? Print out some sheet music to gift with it. 
• Taking your rambunctious nephews on a nature hike? Give them each a kids’ book about Sasquatch, a pair of binoculars, and tell them that you’ll spend the afternoon searching for Big Foot together. 

Take it further

Once you experience the joys of low-consumption gifts, you’ll find ways to expand the “presence over presents” ethos to other facets of your holiday season, like wrapping with cloth, making homemade decorations, and opting for a living tree. 

Yes, you can save money and help the planet—but you’ll also find newfound joy, whimsy, and meaning in the season when you spend this time of giving on your own terms.

This article originally appeared on alive.com as “Presence over Presents.”